


losing you

by softlyspoken



Series: so tell me how long, love, before you go [1]
Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: 30/07/19 after the episode fic, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-27 13:00:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20046436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softlyspoken/pseuds/softlyspoken
Summary: aaron and robert are left alone to talk about events





	losing you

**Author's Note:**

> So the episode was rather disappointing for me and I’m hoping we see more of it play out tomorrow or whatever but I was promoted to write this and here you go

He keeps staring at the coffee table, eyes fixed and certain on the point where the coaster meets the remote control. His eyes bore into it until there’s a weight falling next to him and he flinches. 

He can make out it’s Aaron, he’s heard him but it’s almost been through whispers. The police have left him alone, Aaron barked out something along the lines of him being in shock and they took it. So did Diane, so she left, Vic left with her, head down and eyes wet.

There’s a beat between the moment Aaron’s hand rises and then falls again before his mouth opens and Robert brings his head further down.

“What were — I don’t even know ...” Aaron’s voice is stretched thin and Robert hasn’t even heard him speak all that much. He feels him, covered in it, this anger and dread and hopelessness and Robert’s the only one to blame.

“He pushed me.” Robert makes himself even smaller and then stares down at his hands, they’re shaking almost maddeningly still and he tries to stop it. He feels Aaron’s hands fall over his to help and he pushes him away as hard as he can. “How can ... how can you touch me?”

There’s something inside him, it’s punching out and trying to reach for air and tell Aaron to run. He wants to see him take Liv, take their future in his hands and bolt right out the door like this never happened, like _they_ never happened.

It’d be easy that way, it’d be kinder too.

Aaron’s eyes widen, big waves of water filling them as he stands, hovers over his husband and sees what he’s always been scared to. He sees him, a proud strong man broken and he can’t fix this for him.

He breathes out unsteadily before crouching in front of Robert and trapping his hands with his own.

“Look at me.”

Robert breathes in, closes his eyes around what he’s done, what he’s caused. He shakes himself as he hears Aaron telling him to open his eyes. He does, eventually, to Aaron’s blue eyes and this devastated look that Robert’s out there.

“I can — I can touch you ‘cause you’re my — you’re _mine_.” Aaron holds back as much as he can, a hand curving across Robert’s palm and trying to make him understand. “It doesn’t change —“

Robert shakes his head. “I’ve ruined us.” He pulls away, hands raised up into his hair as Aaron stares at him in shock.

“Don’t say that.”

“He pushed me, he — he said he couldn’t wait for the next girl.”

“Yeah and you stopped him.”

“He was walking away Aaron!” Robert suddenly stands, kicks the table as he does and holds his hands over his face, he can’t do it, he can’t look at what he’s done to the person he loves the most. “And I picked up a shovel, and I ...”

Aaron turns for a second, just a second and Robert knows exactly what he’s done. The way it is breaks through until there’s nothing but this stretch of sadness between them. This inevitably.

“You should leave me while you can.” The thought slips out, his mind unravelling as he sees Aaron turn towards him with this _anger_.

“Leave you?” Aaron’s thunderous, almost more so than about anything else. He holds a hand out and then brings it to his temple. “You’re fucking ... is that what you want? You want him breaking us?” His voice hitches, Robert takes a step forward and Aaron pulls back.

He tries to stop it but he can’t, he’s in tears and he fights them back before rubbing a hand over his eyes.

“Aaron, I didn’t ...”

Aaron closes in to cup Robert’s face, he stares right into his eyes and Robert can feel his heart breaking. He hates himself. “You need ... some ice, and a towel. You get the ice and I’ll ... I’ll be one sec.” He disappears up the stairs, footsteps shallow as Robert sits and stares at the coffee table again until he hears him.

He follows the noise until he’s standing outside the bathroom and watching Aaron in tears, head down as he holds onto the sink and grips tightly. He doesn’t stop until he turns and sees Robert standing there.

“I said I’ll be a ...”

“I’m so sorry.” Robert says, his eyes are welling again and his vision bouts as he fights against it. “Aaron, I’m _so_ sorry.”

It’s heavy because it has to be. It feels final because maybe it is.

The thought makes him feel sick.

Aaron’s breath hitches as he looks at his husband, feels his heart twist and contort through Robert’s words. He steps forward and brings him into a tight hug, arms wrapped right around Robert’s frame as he clings.

“I’m not losing ya.” Aaron tells him, tells himself and Liv and Seb and all the kids they’re going to have. “I’m not.”

“You’re not.” Robert punches out against Aaron’s shoulder. “I shouldn’t have even said that, I’m sorry.”

Aaron shushes him, holds him even closer as he kisses the side of his head. “It’s OK. Don’t — don’t be sorry.”

“I never wanted this ...”

“It’s me and you OK?” Aaron’s bravery smacks him across the face and he brings his hands up to hold Aaron’s back. “Us against the world.” He says, eyelids heavy under the weight of whatever’s coming next.

“You’re not losing me.” Robert tries to say, he tries to make it come out like it should only Aaron’s sniffling against it as he pulls away slowly.

“I’m not losing you.” Aaron says, he tells himself again and again and again.


End file.
